Just a few musings of this season...
In becoming the true self, one must continually re-evaluate; identify patterns - both positive and negative - true highs, true lows and move forward. Self-improvement can only come from learning from lessons of the past - again both the good and the bad.
I have come to realise that in this season, my schedule is quite hectic - I have taken on quite a bit, with several goals to achieve, which take more work than I have ever had to put in, on a daily basis. Life is a constant push; like running a race, you must push on if you want to achieve goal X or goal Y or goals X, Y and Z! (the number of days I have felt like I was back in school running that cross-country race!)
I have also learnt that I need to stop focusing on the difficulties I face - "gosh I only slept for X hours last night" or "things are hectic" or what ever comments or experiences I share in a less than positive light. Thing is, life has no pre-determined course, as school does; and whilst the conditioning of school days is still very much apparent; I have to realise the course of life is self-determined. I cannot be speaking of things being tough, when in actuality; I have chosen this path; no one has chosen it for me. Whereas in school you needed to do X, Y and Z to get in to a good uni, or get good grades; in life the choices you make are bigger than that - they will literally change your life - and to emphasise it even more, you are in control. Do not fall prey to the challenges you have set up for yourself. They are your challenges.
It's funny, I came to realise this when I truly looked at the schedules of the lives of my close friends. They are getting on well, yet have very different schedules.
So at the end of the day I need to take more control over what I want to achieve, yes it may be tough; but it's the path I have chosen; there may be some things that I will shed off in future; but for now I have chosen to pursue them.
Now this message is something you here constantly - you are in control of your destiny; make a plan for your life etc. But sometimes it does take time before those messages truly resonate with you - believe you me; I can be quite stubborn so whilst I know a lot about what I should do; if it does not resonate with me on a personal level, then it is just that- knowledge.
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"No matter where you are from, your dreams are valid" - Lupita Nyong'o
Here is another case of resonance on a personal level. Truth is, I am one of those people who can only really believe something can happen, when I see someone like me or with whom I associate my self with. To be honest I think that may be the case with most people. Anywho, the recent awards season that was abuzz with Lupita Nyong'o set ablaze (or at least a warm glow) the hearts of many who associate themselves with her- the dark skinned woman, the creative at heart growing up in a less than encouraging environment; the African, the Kenyan, the Nairobian, the Luo etc. The thing is, if you have a grown up in an environment where you have felt a tad ostracised from a certain community, nothing speaks more to you than seeing what you feel is a representation of your self, being globally applauded and appreciated for works of your passion - no matter where you are from, your dreams a valid.
Now it is very reason that I wanted to come back home after my undergrad degree in Bristol, UK. Stuff was happening back home that I wanted to be a part of - stuff that I resonated with, that represented me. I am so happy to see things develop and progress in the expression of self-love in my country and continent - and I can see things moving towards a sense of normalcy; a norm in the appreciation of our works and the continual self-improvement of our works. It is truly heart-warming and awakens a sense of can-do and validity in your life aspirations - no matter where you are from, your dreams are valid.
With an attitude like that, the knock-on effects are priceless.
***Kuzakai***
